I'm. Too Lazy for My Blog.

Too lazy for my blog, so lazy, it hurts.

Time was when I wanted to document everything I did so I could share it with my readers. All five of them. But then Facebook and Twitter came and I turned to microblogging. Excuses, excuses.

This year is whizzing by so fast that I've hardly had time to pause and reflect. It's been one project, meeting, activity, and errand after another. My friends have not seen me since before Christmas.

But that was my whole game plan for 2010. I wanted to pursue my dreams, finish old projects, and excel in my jobs. All three and a half of them. And so far, so good. It's been an exciting three weeks.

I will be back to the blogging world once my world settles a bit. With midterm exams coming for my students, good luck with that.

Teach in Order to Learn

I am expanding my teaching and training skills bit by bit and have become increasingly convinced that nothing challenges me to learn more than teaching.

I learned the way of life of Lingkod, the movement for single professional Catholics I belonged to, by giving the talks repeatedly for several years.

I learned the ins and out of Lex Libris and other CD Asia products by being tapped to train lawyers and legal researchers to use them.

I learned the basics of piano playing by heart when I subbed for my mother as piano teacher one summer a long time ago.

I learned "Legal Grammar" or English for lawyers when I gave one module on the subject.

The list goes on. I have become passionate for different causes and am able to share them to different groups because I am open to studying new ideas and acquiring new skills.

Today, I learned how to maximize my MacBook to teach music through GarageBand, Pages, and Keynote. I went home eager to practice the piano and listen to classical music. I shared a day with music teachers and it was an amazing exchange of knowledge, skills, and ideas. I was able to tap the creative side of my brain, which usually has to lie low when I'm doing my job as a lawyer and a professor.

I no longer need to read manuals from cover to cover before teaching a new course, according to my friend who facilitated the training earlier today. I need to keep pace with today's learners - my students - by learning and adapting in a much quicker pace than my teachers in their time were required to do.

This new year has opened even more new doors of possibilities and opportunities. I am grateful for the chance to learn and impart, to think and perform, to grow and improve.

This tells me that I have moved on from the things of the past. I have learned from them, too.

Shameless Plug for Jollibee :)

I passed by Jollibee before going home to claim some freebies courtesy of my BPI Credit Card (ayan may free advertisement pa ng aking paboritong fastfood at paboritong bangko, Proudly Pinoy). I meant to eat something on the way home as I had anticipated that the rains would cause streets to be congested all the way to QC. I was right.

I was snacking on the regular fries while waiting for a taxi outside Robinsons Place Manila, my newest hangout due to its proximity to my office, when a man, who must have grown old begging, held out his palm to me. I stopped chewing mid-fry and handed him the packet of fries that still had a good amount of potato left. The man eyed my Jollibee bag and said, "Tinapay!" (Bread!). I shook my head and said, "Para po sa anak ko ito" (This is for my child).

I didn't know what came over me. I didn't have any children. What I had was pasalubong for my parents and my balikbayan aunt, and I guess I was looking for gratitude in the man's eyes. I didn't see any. Then he said, "Barya na lang" (Give me coins then). The lady standing on the taxi lane before me interrupted and said, "Manong, binigyan ka na nga ng pagkain eh" (Brother, she already gave you food). The man walked away, sad.

I was saddened by that incident, without knowing that I would later on give the Double Yum with TLC in my bag to someone else: the cab driver.

The Taxi Lane was not moving, and irate shoppers were picking on the mall security guard for allowing people who did not fall in line to get the cabs that refused to stop in front of the designated space. I already had enough bad experiences with cabbies to know that I might have to wait for an hour in that kind of situation. So I did what I had to do. I called my regular cab company, Reno, the garage of which was just five minutes away from my house. They never refused passengers who wanted to get to Don Antonio, as that was their home base as well. I was at ease with their drivers, since they knew that I knew where they worked and could thus report any undesirable behavior.

Anyway.

I waited for ten minutes in front of the Padre Faura exit of the mall, away from the taxi lane so as to avoid having to "fight" for my cab, and when I saw the plate number I was given on the phone, I hailed the cab, and the driver saw me. It was a rainy night and the end of a very long work week. Before I could get in, a man (in black) also hailed the cabbie. I saw the driver motion with his left hand that he was answering a client's call and was not available. As I was taking my seat, I heard a loud thud and immediately saw another man (in white), apparently the companion of the one who hailed the taxi after I did, violently hit the hood of the taxi with his bare hands.

Man-in-white shouted to the driver, "Pulis ako!", and proceeded to hurl expletives at the driver. I gathered that he thought the driver was just being picky, so I attempted to talk to him and explained that I called the taxi company and he was just fetching me as scheduled. Man-in-white refused to even acknowledge my existence. He looked drunk. He then twisted the radio antenna of the car, and the driver protested. They had a heated argument, and man-in-black intervened. He closed the door of the cab, but man-in-white opened it again, all the time shouting expletives at the driver, who was regally defending himself.

Eventually we were out of danger. Or so I thought. The driver could not get over what happened, and made a U-turn to drive directly in front of the men-in-uniform, but a mall security guard stopped him, thinking his passenger (who was me) was alighting, and asked if he could let the "man from Immigration" ride the cab. The driver asked the guard for the man-in-white's name, but at this time said man already flashed the dirty finger to the driver, and they exchanged another round of obscene four-letter words.

Now, I had had a rough week. Month. Year. I was in a car accident last week. The day after, my vertigo struck as the cab driver wound his merciless way around the streets of Manila. Worse, I could not contribute much towards the hosting of my aunt from the States as I got sick with the flu over the weekend. My work was stressful enough for ten people, and I had all the stress-related symptoms ever invented. I was just diagnosed yesterday as having Impaired Glucose Tolerance (IGT) or being in the pre-diabetic stage, and was given medication, and was studying a new diet and exercise plan more suited to my situation. Two weeks ago, I kept a close friend of mine company after her car accident. I had yet to see my first government paycheck for this position. The actual list of whines is much longer. You get the point.

My natural reaction would have been to panic at the scene played in front of me. But I could not afford to panic. I tried to calm the driver down and to dissuade him from courting disaster. He kept saying he could get any policeman dismissed from the service, as he had done so in the past, when his rights were similarly trampled upon. This man, he said, was not even a real policeman! He was not afraid! His taxi company would defend him! He had a witness: me! He had a defender: Tulfo!

I had to agree with him that he did nothing wrong and to utter other words of assurance that he was victimized by a government employee who was on a power trip. I then reminded him to flag down his meter because he had completely forgotten it, so engrossed was he on thoughts of revenge. We had a very long discussion as traffic was bad (usual Friday rainy night stuff), and to cheer him up, I offered him a Jollibee yumburger.

He unwrapped the juicy burger and quickly bit into it while he was driving. He said that he didn't realize that the incident had left him hungry. At last, I heaved a sigh of relief. It was only then that I ate my favorite Jollibee hotdog, which I had been wanting to sink my teeth into ever since leaving the mall.

It was a scene straight out of a Jollibee commercial. Comfort food. Pampalamig ng ulo. Pag may karapatan, ipaglaban mo. Mag-Jollibee muna tayo. (Sorry, there simply is no appropriate translation for that.)

I got home safely and paid the driver the usual fare, even though the taxi meter showed a much lower amount, since our drive from Faura to Quiapo was not registered. I still had a Jolly hotdog and a Cheesy Bacon Mushroom to share with my family. I wasn't able to tell them about my eventful night because they were engrossed with the last episode of Tayong Dalawa. Yes, this entry is so Pinoy!

Tomorrow, or sometime this weekend, I will write about two office outfit disasters that eventually turned into blessings. Safety pins and shawls are involved. ;)

By the way, I am not getting paid for this by Jollibee. But if the people behind it chance upon this blog, a two-piece Chickenjoy meal will do. For me. For cabbie (I can get his name from the company). For man-in-black. Even for man-in-white (Cabbie is going to research his identity). Might change his ways, who knows.

A Voter's Voice

These are very interesting times. The icon of Philippine democracy has died, but in her passing a country of passionate people has awakened.

Perhaps it is pre-election year, that is why everything is heightened. Politicians are everywhere, adding color to every major religious gathering in the country - from the blessing of the humongous El Shaddai building, to the Central Temple of the INC where the remains of their leader lie in state currently, to historic restaurants where shifts in the tectonic plates of political ambition have taken shape repeatedly.

I am a voter, and my vote is up for grabs to the best bidder. I will not accept money or any promise of position or power for my vote; instead, I will give my vote to he or she who will stand to fulfill everything that is taught the children in school.

That is, if they still teach children about honesty being the best policy (and not just a standard slumbook or Facebook answer to "what is your motto?"); if they still teach in Admin Law that "a public office is a public trust"; if they still hammer to history students the details of how a peaceful revolution that a united Filipino people put up won against a 20-year dictatorship (I am told by young friends that their knowledge of the EDSA revolution is vague and blurred); and how our parents promised that they will never let anyone squander our riches and curtail our freedom again.

So much has happened since my student days. I grew up and then learned to grow deaf to the nonstop exposés in the Senate that only seemed to indicate that in lieu of the crony-concentrated corruption during the Marcos era, people power only opened the floodgates of the national treasury to greed that permeated every level of government.

I stopped voting at some point. I forget when. I stopped caring. All politicians started to look alike to me. I decided to look away from the headlines and refrain from taking part in the battles waged there. I paid my taxes, worked in government, served in church, but I left it to others more inclined to fight head-on. I went to Edsa twice to topple undesirable presidents. After a while it became a futile exercise, a game of jumping from the frying pan into the fire, and I refused to be used anymore.

There are others like me, who pray for a better tomorrow for our country but feel they are so ordinary and actually have also become too jaded to really believe in genuine and lasting change.

But Cory died, and while mourning for her, my tears, and probably those from those who belong to the undecided, apathetic sector like me, awoke the hope that has been buried in me for a leadership that shows quiet dignity, simple bravery, and humble integrity.

Will history be kinder to us Filipinos now that we are hoping again, opening our hearts again, wearing yellow again? I do not know much about Noynoy Aquino, at least not to the extent that I would normally vote for him to the highest position of the land. BUT. I cannot deny that there seems to be divine interference in the turn of events. Ambitious people who have been jockeying, lobbying, and parading years into the elections were faced with true people power, and heard once more the voice of a people who have long suffered repeatedly under the abusive hands of a succession of disappointing leaders. Plans have to be radically changed now. Dreams have to be realigned.

The choice I want to make when I vote next year is a clear one - black or white, Ginebra or Tanduay, Spandau Ballet or Duran Duran - like in my younger days, KBL or UNIDO PDP Laban - red and blue, or yellow and green. All the other insignificant colors have to fade. All the other inferior choices have to give way.

It is my generation's time to shine. I have held back hope, and I have hidden my vote for so long. Next year, I want to confidently cast it. And I am praying really hard that the one whom I will vote for will not waste it.

I am a voter, and my vote is up "for sale" to the highest, mightiest, worthiest bidder.

My Ideas That Have Not (Yet) Seen Print

Since my last post, I had wanted to write about:

1. The Cory magic, and how I observed the week of mourning for her. I have some shots from the queue outside Manila Cathedral. Never found the time to write that piece.
2. The beauty of the City of Manila and how I want to clean it up. (I even have a blog title: My Giant Feather-Duster).
3. The presidentiables and the state of Philippine politics.
4. The worsening traffic problem and the undisciplined drivers of Metro Manila.
5. The things we learned in school that have yet to be applied in real life.
6. The moves to change the name of my alma mater, Manila Science High School, to Cory Aquino Science High School (CASHS?). We love Cory, but we love our name too. I'm looking for a way to talk to Mayor Lim. If you have suggestions and connections, do let me know. Thanks.

My thoughts are too scattered at the moment. I wrote this list down so I won't forget my ideas. If I don't get to write them, ask me and I'll share my thoughts with you when we see each other. Over coffee. Preferably at some beautiful place like Cafe by the Ruins in Baguio, or Bag o' Beans in Tagaytay.

First Day High

It took me a week to blog about this because these past few days have been among the busiest of my life. Yes, The Obiter Master got even busier, if that was even possible.

Anyway, the truth has to be told. Especially when the truth is this eventful.

As a student, I was big on the first day of school every year. My parents could not afford to buy five children new stuff all the time, but I made sure that my shoes were shined, my pencils were sharpened, my hair was tied, and that I was the picture of the perfect student, so I could make a good impression on my teachers and classmates, and to set the tone for the rest of the year.

That excitement had diminished through the years, especially when I started working. I had entered many workplaces with wrinkled clothes and dated hairstyles on my first day, so focused was I on the "work at hand", and finding all the effort required to meet my standard of perfection too exhausting.

I went back to my old ways for this job, as I got more comfortable under my own skin and at the prodding of good friends who remembered me when I was neater and more confident. As I needed to make it work in my new work, I slowly planned everything and psyched myself mentally, spiritually, and physically for the task at hand. That meant wearing crisp office attire, sporting a low-maintenance hairstyle, and putting my best foot forward.

I was not able to sleep the night before my first day at the Supreme Court. With too little sleep, I finally got up and brewed some coffee. I had my prayer time and wrote (using a pen) on my journal. I ate adobo and rice for breakfast, and braved the rain to drive from Commonwealth Ave. to Taft Ave.

Only it took me three hours to get to the office. It had rained all throughout the weekend before that, and traffic was bumper to bumper. I increasingly grew anxious during that long drive that could have taken me to Subic, and kept texting my officemates. I wanted to make a good impression on my first day, to be in by 8 a.m. with a smile on my perky face. Instead, mourners for Tita Cory clogged the roads leading to Manila, and I was late.

I parked at the nearby mall and steeled myself for the long walk to the office. I didn't realize that the guards would not allow me to exit through the mall. I was encouraged to take the ramp. The wind was blowing so hard by the time I got out of the parking lot, and my little umbrella, which I got free from Watson's, got turned inside out. My new shoes did not have enough friction for the slippery road. I missed my Crocs so badly that morning. A couple of workers sitting outside the parking lot commented, "Miss, sira ang payong mo (Miss, your umbrella is broken)," and I ignored the urge to retort, "Really, you think?!"

I got disoriented and believe it or not, could not find my way to Faura. I asked for directions and the people were not so helpful, as if Padre Faura, on which stood the Supreme Court, the Philippine General Hospital, and a whole lot of other famous landmarks, suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth. Finally, I saw something that I thought I would never ride again - a pedicab! I hailed it and asked the driver (more like pedaler, if there is such a word) if he could take me to Faura. He said yes. Note how he lied.

A few minutes had passed, and I could not see clearly because of the plastic covering around the pedicab that shielded passengers from the rain. I had a sinking feeling that the pedaler did not know where he was going, for he kept pausing to look at street signs. Finally he stopped to ask for directions, and true enough, the man pointed to the opposite direction.

I complained and complained but the pedaler did not reply. I realized that he could not hear me through the rain and the wind and that ugly plastic rainproof shield all around me. I felt like The Girl in the Plastic Bubble.

I recognized Padre Faura and shouted out directions to the Court. I wanted to strangle the pedaler when I got off. It took him FIFTEEN minutes from Pedro Gil to Faura, on a pedicab. Can anyone beat that? I told him to memorize Faura as he was in the pedicab business. He just smiled and charged me Php30.00, the equivalent of my whole day's parking fee at the nearby Robinson's Mall.

I shook the rain from my clothes, hand-combed my hair, and entered the gate. I could not pause to admire the cobblestone steps, the imposing columns, and the life-sized statues of former SC Chief Justices. I was very late already. When I entered the elevator, I noticed something. My new linen blouse had an ugly stain on the right arm, and it would not go away despite my furious rubbing with alcogel. I must have gotten it while I staggered against the wind and walked close to the walls for protection.

So there I was on the morning of my first day, with disheveled hair, wet shoes, stained blouse, and pounding heart, the latest employee to enter the chamber to offer the Republic of the Philippines my personal best, which of course was always far less than perfect.

The rest of the day went better. My boss welcomed me with a smile and two thick folders to work on. I found lunch mates immediately. I went to work, got a migraine, and drove for another two and a half hours going home. I could barely move by the time I got home and fell asleep immediately when my head hit my pillow.

Sometimes, things do not go as planned. Tomorrow is another Monday, another first day, another exciting day. I have resolved to plan less. It's a new resolution. I plan to break it again tomorrow.

I cannot sleep again.

My New Aura ;)

Restlessness got to me and I did what any girl would do under the circumstances I was in:  I got a new haircut.

Haircuts, for most men, are done regularly, with much the same results.  They go to the same barber and pay the same amount of money for the same cut and  give the same tip each and every trip.  It is a matter of routine; a habit instilled even while they were still in school.

For women, on the other hand, it is a totally different story.  We have regular neighborhood salons for the basic snip done every two months, if we're being good; or whenever our mood, schedule, or budget would allow it.  We have the "splurge salons" (see my review of Shunji Matsuo Hair Studio on my Multiply site here) where we go to pamper ourselves to get that movie-star gorgeous feeling afterwards.  And then we have the "stylists' salons" that we go to when we want something radical, new, fresh, and unique.

After a week of poring through books that left me dissatisfied; changing bed sheets that did not help with my sleepless nights; avoiding people and questions I did not want to face; I decided that I had to avoid officially going crazy, and did something about it.  I am satisfied with the results.  Happiness; for this week, this month, or even this year, is not even the goal.  Survival and satisfaction would do.

I got one of the senior stylists at Aura Salon (Katipunan Ave., QC - highly recommended by the Sikat na Girls) to give me a new 'do.  I complained about my once-straight, now wavy hair; the over-layering committed by my neighborhood haircutter; and my aversion to the daily blowdry that had left my hair brittle and dull.  He got to work.  Initially, he was just going to cut off two inches.  I looked in the mirror and decided I want more.  I described what I wanted.  A shape that would fit my face, neat ends all around, and the requisite low-maintenance style.  He nodded his head and cut some more, with precision that I admired.

He ended up cutting off six inches of hair.  After he was done, I felt as if six tons had been lifted off my head.  I thanked him, paid, gave my tip to him and to the shampoo-blowdry girl, and floated to my car.

I was happy until I realized it was ten minutes until three, my car was coded and had to be brought  home soon, and my mother was calling because my father was panicking (since I was still not home and the MMDA might catch me).  My parents forget that I'm a thirty-something lawyer.  All the time. 

I have to pack, finish some documents for my father, attend mass and Bible Study, and get beauty sleep for an early flight tomorrow.  I took forty-five minutes for a haircut just to be able to breathe.  I think it was worth it.

I'll have some pics taken in Singapore.  You be the judge.

We only part to meet again.

From www.quotegarden.com:

Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends. ~Richard Bach


We only part to meet again. ~John Gay


Man's feelings are always purest and most glowing in the hour of meeting and of farewell. ~Jean Paul Richter


Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need to know of hell. ~Emily Dickinson, "Parting"


Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye? ~Author Unknown


Gone - flitted away,
Taken the stars from the night and the sun
From the day!
Gone, and a cloud in my heart.
~Alfred Tennyson


Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos. ~Charles M. Schulz


Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes. ~Henry David Thoreau


How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan, Annie


Goodbyes are not forever.
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean I'll miss you
Until we meet again!
~Author Unknown


The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning. ~Ivy Baker Priest


Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair. ~William Cowper


Excuse me, then! you know my heart;
But dearest friends, alas! must part.
~John Gay


To die and part is a less evil; but to part and live, there, there is the torment. ~George Lansdowne


May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand. ~Irish Blessing


Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.
It's the way you ride the trail that counts,
Here's a happy one for you.
~Dale Evans


No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth. ~Robert Southey


Can miles truly separate you from friends.... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? ~Richard Bach


Be well, do good work, and keep in touch. ~Garrison Keillor


What shall I do with all the days and hours
That must be counted ere I see thy face?
How shall I charm the interval that lowers
Between this time and that sweet time of grace?
~Frances Anne Kemble


Not to understand a treasure's worth till time has stole away the slighted good, is cause of half the poverty we feel, and makes the world the wilderness it is. ~William Cowper


She went her unremembering way,
She went and left in me
The pang of all the partings gone,
And partings yet to be.
~Francis Thompson


Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love. ~George Eliot


Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. ~Kay Knudsen


The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. ~Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook


You and I will meet again
When we're least expecting it
One day in some far off place
I will recognize your face
I won't say goodbye my friend
For you and I will meet again
~Tom Petty


Farewell! God knows when we shall meet again. ~William Shakespeare


In the hope to meet
Shortly again, and make our absence sweet.
~Ben Jonson


Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn, Forever, © Flavia.com


So sweetly she bade me adieu,
I thought that she bade me return.
~William Shenstone


But fate ordains that dearest friends must part. ~Edward Young


Love reckons hours for months, and days for years; and every little absence is an age. ~John Dryden


Where is the good in goodbye? ~Meredith Willson, The Music Man


Distance of time and place generally cure what they seem to aggravate; and taking leave of our friends resembles taking leave of the world, of which it has been said, that it is not death, but dying, which is terrible. ~Henry Fielding


As the presence of those we love is as a double life, so absence, in its anxious longing and sense of vacancy, is as a foretaste of death. ~Anna Brownell Jameson


Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave. ~A.A. Milne


As contraries are known by contraries, so is the delight of presence best known by the torments of absence. ~Alcibiades


May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
~Irish Blessing


Good-byes breed a sort of distaste for whomever you say good-bye to; this hurts, you feel, this must not happen again. ~Elizabeth Bowen


May the sun shine, all day long,
everything go right, and nothing wrong.
May those you love bring love back to you,
and may all the wishes you wish come true!
~Irish Blessing


May you always have walls for the winds,
a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire,
laughter to cheer you, those you love near you,
and all your heart might desire.
~Irish Blessing


Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire. ~Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld, translated from French


Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven. ~Tryon Edwards


Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. ~Kahlil Gibran


Farewell, my sister, fare thee well.
The elements be kind to thee, and make
Thy spirits all of comfort: fare thee well.
~William Shakespeare


A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it. ~Helen Rowland


The return makes one love the farewell. ~Alfred De Musset


You're searching...
For things that don't exist; I mean beginnings.
Ends and beginnings - there are no such things.
There are only middles.
~Robert Frost, Mountain Interval, "In the Home Stretch"


Fare thee well! and if for ever,
Still for ever, fare thee well.
~Lord Byron


May you have warm words on a cool evening, a full moon on a dark night, and a smooth road all the way to your door. ~Irish Toast


If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden. ~Attributed to Claudia Ghandi


Ye flowers that drop, forsaken by the spring,
Ye birds that, left by summer, cease to sing,
Ye trees that fade, when Autumn heats remove,
Say, is not absence death to those who love?
~Alexander Pope


The best things said come last. People will talk for hours saying nothing much and then linger at the door with words that come with a rush from the heart. ~Alan Alda


May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.
~Irish Blessing


That bitter word, which closed all earthly friendships and finished every feast of love farewell! ~Robert Pollok


One kind kiss before we part,
Drop a tear, and bid adieu;
Though we sever, my fond heart
Till we meet shall pant for you.
~Robert Dodsley


The joy of meeting pays the pangs of absence; else who could bear it? ~Nicholas Rowe


Adieu! I have too grieved a heart to take a tedious leave. ~William Shakespeare


A sunbeam to warm you,
A moonbeam to charm you,
A sheltering angel, so nothing can harm you.
~Irish Blessing


Where'er I roam, whatever realms to see,
My heart untravelled, fondly turns to thee;
Still to my brother turns, with ceaseless pain,
And drags at each remove a lengthening chain.
~Oliver Goldsmith, The Traveller


If I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me? ~Allen Collins and Ronnie Van Zant, "Free Bird," One More From the Road, 1973, performed by Lynyrd Skynyrd


Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending. ~Lazurus Long


May brooks and trees and singing hills
Join in the chorus too,
And every gentle wind that blows
Send happiness to you.
~Irish Blessing


I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. ~Gilda Radner


Sweet is the memory of distant friends! Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart. ~Washington Irving


Farewell! a word that must be, and hath been -
A sound which makes us linger; - yet - farewell!
~Lord Byron


Goodbye, goodbye, I hate the word. Solitude has long since turned brown and withered, sitting bitter in my mouth and heavy in my veins. ~R.M. Grenon


Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will. ~Author Unknown


Farewell!
For in that word - that fatal word - howe'er
We promise - hope - believe - there breathes despair.
~Lord Byron


Let's not unman each other - part at once;
All farewells should be sudden, when forever,
Else they make an eternity of moments,
And clog the last sad sands of life with tears.
~Lord Byron


A goodbye isn't painful unless you're never going to say hello again. ~Author Unknown


A chord, stronger or weaker, is snapped asunder in every parting, and time's busy fingers are not practiced in re-splicing broken ties. Meet again you may; will it be in the same way? With the same sympathies? With the same sentiments? Will the souls, hurrying on in diverse paths, unite once more, as if the interval had been a dream? Rarely, rarely! ~Edward George Earle Bulwer-Lytton


Never part without loving words to think of during your absence. It may be that you will not meet again in this life. ~Jean Paul Richter


Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. ~Theodor Seuss Geisel, attributed

Arriving at the Next Step

What can I write now that I haven't already written during the past six years of this and my other blog's existence? I have been through trials and triumphs, challenges and victories, and all these things have been documented. But since God is good to me repeatedly, it is almost a disservice to Him not to speak of His goodness again and again.

Let me introduce my latest blessing by saying that each journey is different, and the way God has moved in my life cannot but affect others around me. Even if my decisions have made some people sad, it will only be for the short-term, and in the future they will be much better off and will meet new people who will fulfill my current roles so much better.

I write about my journey to share how it has been for me, as there were whispered prayers to God that have been answered in the specific way I asked Him to. Now isn't He grand? I thought I was meant to suffer, but the sufferings I endured turned out to have a limit, and one day I found myself free to go and to move on with my life, hopefully wiser from all that I have gone through.

The journey of finding the next step in one's career is not always easy; in fact in my case it has been a constant search for my place under the sun. I have done new things and met new challenges I would not have welcomed, were it not for God's clear instructions to stay where I was and to continue giving my best, even if I doubted whether my best was ever going to be good enough for the demands of my job.

I had a constant feeling of being inadequate, and longed to be measured in terms of the things I was good at - writing, for example - rather than things I was constantly groping in the dark about. Although results did turn out well eventually and I somehow got into the groove of the business, part of me was undeniably yearning for a life I thought I had turned my back on - my life as a lawyer.

After a lot of soul-searching, I asked God to let a job land on my lap. I had no time to job-hunt, and I had no desire to shift careers again. I did not know how things would end up, and I must have bored my friends to death with my constant complaints about my inefficiencies and frustrations at work. I have angels for friends, for they waited with me, and gave sound advice. I was in a good place, and I had to stay put until a better, concrete offer came along.

One day an old friend asked me to give the Court another try. I was closed to the idea because I was not sure how something I had already left behind would be my future. It was fun while it lasted, I thought. The Court was located in Manila, which I associated with flash floods and bad drivers. My friend encouraged me to pray about it, because I had constantly been talking dreamily about my life as a court attorney, and how I wanted to write for a living again. But I was familiar with Padre Faura, having studied in Manila Science High School for four years, and Manila, well I lived there for 15 years. I was coming home to Manila (remember a few posts ago, I posted the song)? I was coming home to the Court.

I went home and discussed it with my parents. My mother got excited, because according to her, my father brought it up just a week before, how he would be happy if I would go back to being Court Attorney. I asked my father what he thought, and he lifted up both hands in jubilation. I was surprised at his reaction, for my father was not prone to outward expressions of emotion. He said, "I have been praying for this for a very long time now!" He said he would be so much at peace knowing I worked for the Supreme Court and would even be open to the possibility of me becoming a judge someday. I told them I was almost tempted not to get the job because it made them too happy. It was a startling contrast to the time I insisted on resigning from the Sandiganbayan to work for Lingkod full-time as a volunteer staffer. That did not sit well with them, at all, but I had to do it, for my heart was so in it. It was the calling for me at that time.

Things moved fast after that. I talked to my old boss, and my current boss, two women I admired greatly. We worked out a plan and a schedule. It made a lot of people very happy, but I was the happiest of all. It was just time to move, and I had God's full blessing. Nothing was sweeter than that knowledge, not even the approving cheers of all my (burdened) friends. I did not have to apply; for the offer had been standing for some time now. I would not have to shift careers or to adjust in a major way, for this was my prior life. I had done my share of serving God full-time, and obeying Him to the letter, and it was time to be happy again.

Life is continuing to fall into place day by day. I am at a time of harvest again. The seasons of life do come, and I am glad I waited for the Lord to move before moving, for in His time, everything is in beautiful blossom, and they will all bear good fruit.

I will have time to rest soon before the new job starts. I am happy to be surrounded by such supportive family and friends. My colleagues whom I will leave behind are also very supportive of my decision. They probably can't wait for the despedidas and the parties as well.

The Better Half (of the Year)

I started this year thinking I was going to have the most amazing time of my life, because a person I was amazed with called me, well, "amazing".

But global financial crisis made buyers wary during the first quarter, and I found myself stressed out and stretched to the limit so soon into the year. All amazing thoughts were pushed to the background. I barely had fun. All I could think about was the bottom line. Even if my whole family arrived from all over the world for a mini-reunion, I could not bring myself to fully enjoy life.

But now, I have recovered, and have much to look forward to. A lot is happening, and they are all amazing! A good friend of mine is here for a month and it's been a swell month. I'll be revisiting Singapore to attend an important event: The Great Singapore Sale (LOL)!

There are many more changes at work and home. I will be a teacher, can anyone believe it? In July, I will go to Tagaytay with friends, and perhaps even Subic. A friend I bid goodbye to is visiting in December and he said that the top priority in his list is the coffee time with me. I want to check in a spa. I haven't done that. I will go on personal retreat. And do many other wonderful, amazing things. I hope this happiness is contagious.

This long weekend is a good start. Lingkod Anniv means dancing. Fr Daniel's despedida means singing. But I can hear my mom's voice - I should clean my room too. Will find time. Won't cut on the parties; will just sleep less.

Welcome me back to the waking world.

Unceremonious Graduation from Torture

I woke up last Saturday not knowing that it would be my Freedom Day. That after several years of enduring braces on my teeth, my orthodontist was finally going to take them off.

I wish I had known beforehand. I would have prepared a little ceremony. I would have asked my parents to accompany me. I would have arranged for my friends to meet us after, so we could all have a nice lovely lunch.

Instead, it happened this way. When I got home on Friday night, Mama told me that my dentist's secretary called and informed her that the Doc wanted to see me on Saturday, and that I had to confirm anytime during the night. It was very important, the secretary said. Mama wondered what that was all about.

I explained to her that during my last few visits, I had strongly hinted that I was going to get myself featured in a dental magazine as the Person Who Had Braces on the Longest. The secretary begged me not to do it, as she said nobody would come to their clinic anymore. I said I was giving them (the dental team) an ultimatum. They had to take the braces off as they were preventing me from migrating abroad, getting married... basically getting a life.

I was using humor as usual to hide what to me was a source of frustration and irritation. I could have gone lawyerly and just filed a lawsuit for them to do their job properly and get my teeth fixed, pronto. They promised it would only take two years. Sure, I had missed out on a few appointments, but that started when I was already tired of those wires and bands that were residing in my mouth.

During my last visit, another dentist from the same team saw me. I had gone on a Friday, after several years of going on Saturdays, that's why I chanced upon her. She was mildly shocked to see that I still had braces on, and that my stubborn teeth still had not moved closer together.

My theory is that doctora talked to The Doctor, and informed him of my threat of a Dental Magazine Expose.

I had a full schedule last Saturday, with errands, chores, and meetings, but I squeezed in ten minutes to see my ortho. Little did I know that I was going to stay there for more than an hour, miss my movie date with my parents, and be poorer by a couple of thousand bucks.

He told me that he discussed my case with his team and they had decided to do recontouring, so that we all didn't have to wait anymore for the day when my teeth would finally obey the braces. I endured an hour of pushing and pulling, with my dentist working his magic, as if I had lost all my teeth on some accident and he was giving me an appearance of a perfect smile. He took a before-and-after photo. He took the darn braces off. I had to raise my hand to get gargle breaks during the procedure, as I had not eaten lunch (this was an unplanned procedure) and some acid from my stomach got caught up in my throat.

Afterwards, he told me, "Congratulations. This is your graduation day. No more braces."

I went home dazed. Magazine popularity? Gone. Possible lawsuit? Prevented (at least for now. Hehe). Pearly white smile? Here I come.

That night, while eating Mango Bravo at Conti's, I gave my friend K a bright smile, hoping she would notice. She asked if I meant she had chocolate on her teeth. I said no and kept my toothy smile. She said, "No Ella you don't have chocolate on your teeth." Our other friends who knew about my recent graduation from torture laughed and told her what I was smiling about. They found out about it on Facebook. My nephews immediately noticed when they came to visit the next day. Kids just pay more attention, sometimes.

If only all my braces would come off. Then I would have every reason to smile more.

Prelude to a Review of "The Secret Life of Bees"

“Most people don’t have any idea about all the complicated life going on inside a hive. Bees have a secret life we don’t know anything about.” -August Boatwright's character, "The Secret Life of Bees"

I want to watch this film, but do not have the time to do so. I have read the book by Sue Monk Kidd and was impressed by her writing. It was different from her other book, "The Mermaid Chair", which I had mixed feelings about due to its style and content.

"The Secret Life..." deserves a proper book review, and I will get to it once I find the time.

I remembered the quote because I have found myself "busier than a bee" these past few days. My friends tell me that I should get a shirt that says, "Born Busy", because I am always doing a project, coordinating an event, organizing a reunion, running an errand, or finalizing a report. I was a busy student, I became a busy lawyer, an even busier missionary, and now at my busiest, with work and family concerns.

In all that busyness, there are even more complicated things going on inside my head. Sue Monk Kidd wrote it well when she compared the life of bees to the life of humans. It is as graphic and as accurate as a metaphor should be.

Read the book and watch the movie. We'll talk about it more in this blog. Soon, I hope. Or you can start writing your comments below. I will find time to read them. I always do. :)

Mac and Lex

Meet Mac and Lex.  I spend time with them the most these days.  They're with me everyday, and I even dream about them.  As the Clear commercial goes, I tend to be a two-timer.  It's so hard to stick to one love!

Mac is my Macbook White, who is with me when I wake up in the morning.  It houses all my videos, songs, photos, documents, spreadsheets, presentations, emails, contacts, and more.  I can't live without it as it has made my life so compact, organized, and it's cute, too.  Heads turn during the few times that I bring it out in public.  I tend to keep it at home because it's so hard to maintain its whiteness.  I Heart Mac!  I have hugged it a lot because of the many memories associated with it.

I also have Lex in my life.  Lex is the nick of my product, "Lex Libris".  It is a research tool for lawyers, law students, law firms, librarians, legal departments, tax practitioners, accountants, HR managers, and businessmen.  Even as a law student and then as a young lawyer, I could not do legal research without Lex.  Now, I have the opportunity to watch Lex grow, and to share its brilliance and versatility to an ever increasing market.  I am responsible for marketing Lex and I have grown to love it.

I am crossing my fingers for a collaboration between the two.  Mac and Lex.  Lex and Mac.  An idea whose time has come.  Now I don't have to be with one and neglect the other, hehe.

I know what you're thinking.  I need to get a real life.  So sue me.  Some people like pets.  I like gadgets.  (I AM Gadget Girl, after all.)

Much as I love Mac, whenever my nephews want to borrow it, I cannot say no.  So yesterday, while I was doing my chores, I let Miko play with it.  He also downed a tub of Cadbury's Fruit and Nut pieces while watching YouTube videos of his fellow Speed Stacking champions.  (Sorry Ate, he also wanted to get his hands on the Tim Tam but I said it was too hard to reach the bottom of the box.  He'll wait for your arrival.)

Tonight, after I got home from work, I excitedly took Mac and placed it on my lap.  Then something bit me.  To my horror, I saw ants crawling all over Mac's immaculate whiteness.  Some ants were on my bed too, where Mac had been sleeping all day while I was with Lex.

Ant attack!  I panicked.  I have read some stories about modems, laptops, and other electronics destroyed by ants.  I took out my trusty Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and proceeded to wipe Mac clean of any chocolate residue and rid it of its temporary inhabitants.  I fervently hoped they did not reach inside Mac.  Oh please, no.  I tried shaking Mac upside down so that any trespassing ants would fall.  I could only hope that I succeeded.  

Mac has to be fit and ready for a new toy I will have this weekend, the iWork '09.  :)  Oh, and an iPod upgrade.  Gadget Girl is beside herself with joy.  

I will try not to be distracted when I work with Lex tomorrow.  After all, the law is a jealous lover.

Come to think of it, if this is what not having a life means, then I'm having an amazing time at it!

What's With This Year?

1. It's CD Asia's 15th Anniversary. Expect great deals on your Lex Libris, my friends. And Ella to try hard to organize her schedule properly without going crazy.
   
2. It's Lingkod's 25th Anniversary. People have been talking about this for two years now. I do hope it turns out to be a special celebration of God's goodness to us.
3. It's the 10th Year since I graduated from UP Law. So A-'99 Blockmates, let's drink to this! Perhaps even attend UP Law Alumni Homecoming for once in our lives?!
   

Come to think of it, I need that 8-day Retreat during Lent. I will fit it into my calendar. Otherwise I won't survive all these happenings.

Things to Look Forward to in 2009

1. Arrival of all of my siblings for a two-week reunion, from Singapore, US, and Australia
   
2. Piano Recital (which reminds me to practice),
3. Trips to Cebu and Davao, will make sure to pass by Bohol this time,
4. Hong Kong Disneyland either with officemates or friends,
5. Singapore with parents (or they could go without me, and I will look forward to having time alone :P),
6. Applying all that I have learned during my first year in CD Asia and getting things done well this time,
7. Maximizing my gym membership that expires in May,
8. Getting a new phone each from Globe and Smart,
9. An upgrade to iPod from Nano (thank you Apple),
10. A dream retreat in Baguio (8-day silent, I hope to make it),
11. Arrival of an old friend for a month's stay in Manila,
12. Game Nights and winning in Taboo or conquering Cranium,
13. More 'gigs' with Tiguls/ ex Lingkod QC Music Min, whether at weddings or videoke sessions,
14. Spending time with real friends and I don't mean on Facebook, and
15. Turning 35.

This is going to be a great year, I can tell. ;)

Things to Do This Weekend

Since they are so short and I want to pack so many activities into them, I have realized that I should plan my weekends better. Before, my goal was just to do my laundry, go to the gym, spend time with family, and serve at the parish, but this weekend will be different. I am excited and just a teeny bit anxious.

I will start with an extra-long prayer time to get me through the weekend with joy and gratitude. And then...

1. Practice, practice, practice piano. Recital is tomorrow. Even if it's just for family and friends, they still deserve my best. After listening to my exhausted playing last night, I have realized that I need to exert more effort if I want my first recital in over a decade to be memorable in a good way.

2. Prepare the house for the small dinner and recital. Check the little details like hand soap and hand towels.

3. Coordinate with siblings based in Germany, Australia, Singapore, and the US so that they could watch live our mother's first piano recital in 40+ years.

4. Go to the supermarket to buy drinks and table napkins. I won't do any cooking tomorrow - too much stress - but I have to choose the right kind of beer for my Aussie friends.

5. Prepare my script. There should be some story to go with the pieces and to introduce the pianists. I have one in my head but it needs to be written down on index cards or PowerPoint, whichever I will have time for tonight.

6. Enjoy the night with loved ones. Will not drink until after my number. After that, the wine is mine. Say my goodbye with a smile to one of God's gifts to me.

7. Cook Sunday breakfast. Have not done this in a while.

8. Go to mass and serve afterwards. Thank God for a wonderful recital (I claim it).

9. Clean my room and prepare the stuff for Ella's Movable Ukay-Ukay (as requested by officemates who have been begging me to let go of old bags, shoes, wallets, etc. so they could buy them at reasonable prices). This is my personal fundraiser so that I could have a better budget for my growing Christmas list!

10. Brisk walk around UP Oval with old friends. I hope it doesn't rain. Otherwise, great excuse for a Sunday afternoon nap.

11. Get a copy of Sense and Sensibility just in time for Book Club first meeting next Saturday! One week to read the assignment. Great start, Ella.

12. Don't forget to do my laundry and press my uniform to prepare for another work week.

I love listing down things. It really gets me going. Now if only I could tick off each item as I accomplish them.

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Growing Up

One of the many signs that I'm beginning to feel my age is that I've become better at refusing to be a People Pleaser.  

You see, once upon a time, I cared too much what people said about me, and I wanted to be Campus Girl or Miss Congeniality.  I thought being a good girl mant I had to keep quiet even if people who posed as my friends put me down, and obedience meant not questioning the weird and unflattering comments of people I thought I was duty-bound to be obedient to.

I could take verbal abuse and justify it, just like a battered wife who kept coming back to her violent husband.  And it took the objectivity of caring leaders and directors to gently point out to me that I was putting up with some things that were not right.  Being a Christian, I learned, did not involve being a Yes Person, a Pushover, or a Pleaser.  It meant saying yes to Jesus, standing up for what's right, and not being afraid to let people down if their ways or being involved with them led me to sin.

Not every negative comment is to be avoided, however.  In fact, I have grown through the loving correction and timely reminders of friends, for I saw the concern behind their seemingly harsh words.  Those people who truly cared for me were not afraid to say the painful truth.  I still run to them with my darkest secrets, unafraid to get scolded or reprimanded, and eager to hear their suggestions for dealing with my problems.

On the other hand, there were some people I had encountered in the past who seemed to take pleasure in reminding others, me in particular, of weaknesses, failures, and faults.  They said it with unbelievable delight, and the usual, and expected, effect was not to lift me up, but to put lime juice on my wounds.  

Well last birthday, I made a grownup decision that enough was enough.  I decided to be more careful how I was treated so that I wouldn't explode later on like a volcano after I've had too much verbal aggression.  I would give timely corrections when other people step all over me, and would always try to remember the truth that God loves me, warts and all.

Love is complicated, for its expressions in some do not always match the needs of their beloved.  I do not question the faith of those who inadvertently hurt other people, but there is also nothing wrong in sticking to the people who share my values, whom I know are journeying, struggling, and rejoicing with me every step of the way.

It is time to say goodbye to dead stars that no longer exist, but still appear to shine due to their distance from the earth.

It is time to define love as God who is love intended it to be.

It is time to stand up, out of love for my soul, and to walk on with less baggage and distraction.

Yes, this explains my silence.

My Father, the Techie

I never thought I'd hear him say it, but this morning I overheard a conversation between my brother and my father. I did not catch what Kuya Ric said, but Papa replied, "Ginu-google ko" (I Google it).

I said, "Papa, what did you say?"

He said (in Tagalog), "I Google my favorite newspapers and magazines. When I was in the US last month, I stayed updated with Philippine news through Google. I also read the New Yorker regularly."

I was on my way to the driveway so I was not able to pursue the conversation but I congratulated him for being so hi-tech.

When I arrived at the office, I saw him online on Yahoo Messenger. I told him to keep the Magic Jack open as my sister from Australia will call him in a while. Yes, we chatted.

Actually the miracle started the day he left for the States, the first time to travel such a distance by himself in all of his 72 years. Mama and I instructed him to call us as soon as he's checked in. We dropped him off at the airport and got stuck in traffic. We had not even left EDSA when Mama's cellphone rang - it was Papa, calling from his clamshell - type, hand-me-down, Motorola, laughingly telling Mama that he was already in his proper gate and ready to wait for boarding. We heaved a collective sigh of relief.

Of course, when he got to the San Francisco airport, he had trouble finding a porter to help him with his luggage, and got my uncle, sister, and cousins worried because he was the last one to emerge from the arrival door. He did not want to learn how to send text messages and calling from his roaming phone was too expensive so he just made them wait for an hour while he figured out how to get his luggage.

While on vacation, he also learned to work the digital camera and became a budding photographer. He documented my cousin's wedding and all the beautiful places he visited.

I hope that he'd soon learn how to text. Maybe I'll ask him to Google a tutorial.

Middle Ground (Not Middle Earth)

There are two kinds of people walking the world today: Harry Potter fans, and non-Harry Potter fans (a.k.a. Muggles in Harry's world).

The Harry Potter fans have all watched his latest movie. The Muggles have not and do not intend to. I've tried different sets of Potter fan-friends and they've all seen it, so no one is available anymore to go with me.

It's not my fault - I was there last weekend at TriNoMa but there were more people there than movie theater seats. My parents and I ended up roaming the half-unopened mall instead. I tried looking for office shoes, but went home empty-handed and terribly disappointed. I'll have to wait until the curiosity about TriNoMa dies before I can enjoy it. I happen to abhor queuing up for a parking space for close to an hour, and do not intend to do so on a weekly basis.

Back to Harry. The Last Book comes out today. As I have many friends who have pre-ordered their copies, I will just borrow from one of them once they're done reading it.

So I guess I'm a half-blood fan, after all.