I say "No" now even to good things from good people to make up for all the "No's" I should have said since I learned how to say "Yes".
It has surprised some people that I can say No. Yes, I can. I just chose not to before because I thought that was the right thing to do. In saying No now, I'm saying Yes to myself.
I am not talking about drugs, alcohol, or any of those heavy stuff that I have
and will always say No to. Well, alcohol probably to a certain extent, is okay. But this is not about the Seven Deadly Sins or anything like that. This is also not about work. Of course at work, as long as it's part of the penumbra of my job description, I should do it. I don't mind.
These No's I'm now saying refer to the mundane things that people take for granted. I'm now saying Yes to my heart, to my soul, to my conscience, and it means more time to think,
to breathe, to rest, and to sleep.
For the longest time I have been a people-pleaser, and it did not help that I had the stuff to pull it off. And it
amazes me now that supposedly shy people can really be pushy when
demanding me to do things. "You do it; you're good at it." I have come to hate those words.
But before, I thought it was my God-given duty to play the piano, to sing, to write, to speak, to listen, to organize, to entertain, to pay, to type, to call, to text, to lead, to
understand, to give, to wait, etc. I also thought it was the most loving thing to do.
So I feel guilty when I say No. I really do. I feel bad. I berate myself. I wonder if I'm worth anything at all, just because I said No.
Lately I've noticed how other people say No without even explaining why, and how
they get away with it. I want to be able to do that. It's been done to me countless times. "You do it Ella, because nobody else will."
That's not true. Nobody else will do it because I've been asked, expected, or required to do it. And I've always tried to give my best when I say Yes.
I will end by re-posting something that I uploaded to my Facebook account. The PostSecret entry says it all.